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Wishful Thinking

There are some very peculiar days which remind you who you were and what you have become.

This day just reminds me of who I was, a couple of years ago. If you asked me weather I want to go back and relive it and change things. No, it would kinda take the point of being the person life wants you to be.

But there is something I miss, something we all miss. The carelessness, the happiness, the I-wont-think-a-second-before-doing-it feel, with age and experiences we all change. Happiness becomes a sign of something mystical and unhappy. Cherishing and living in the moment becomes impossible, because somewhere we know how all the relationships end.

We are social beings, and by far that keeps us alive and belonged somewhere. Sooner or later, we all feel jealous, envious, hurt, left-out, uncared and unwanted. So here I am trying to comprehend what has become of me. Is life always this unfair or may be I know too much of it to let it take over. Have I become over cautious, paranoid, detached of emotions, to not let myself feel anything.

Is being numb really better than feeling sadness and tears take over.

Well I miss the days, the phase where getting an A+ in a test could cure a bad day, or being with your best friend meant sharing lollies and ice-cream not boyfriends. I miss being with people who cared, who came up to me when I hurt my knee or fell, not because they could gain something of the gesture. I miss those days when just a chocolate could convince you to be a better person.

Those days are surely gone for once. if this world is such a mean place, why live it?

Why stay in here locking all your feelings afraid you might hurt others or other might hurt you back. Why stick to hope rather than sanity and logic.

May be because we all believe in Miracles. Everyone hopes they are meant for better things, everyone believes they are the Miracles. But it isn’t true….It is all illusion’s…and we live in it…

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Suffering and Misery are the bombs. They trick you in believing that they are always going to be around, always by your side never going to leave from your life.

But it does, for few moments, it abandons you to make you feel its effect. It makes you realize the insecurity you have being happy, that the happiness comes with a slight distrust that it will leave soon.
Its Ironical how life can take those twists and turns, what goes around comes back around and then goes around again… some people are never meant to be gone, never meant to be forgotten or never remembered. They subtly there to remind you their existence, their touch, their feel and their presence….

Love is so magical, so addictive and very kind. it teaches you a lot, but it takes a lot from you aswell..there is not a piece of you that is left in tact at its loss…
but what hurts worst is permanent suffering… a love lost is still a love existing..but what if life takes you away from that person forever, like you know they do not exist, they are dead, they are no where near, no where around and you cannot hear them, or feel them or just have them beside you…
This loss is just excruciating…
What is worst when you do not have anyone to share this feeling with…. if you do not have friends, have never experienced true love, have never shared, have never tried living freely. How does that make you feel..Loss makes it impossible to retain what you were.

Things change just like seasons, but pain, experiences and even loss stay…

We never get over things we just learn to deal the pain.. things never change within us, they just adapt to everything around us and slowly we learn to never open our mouth when something hurts, when we lose something because remember the misery, our old friend, well its been faithful of them all!

Happy Endings

Happy Endings!

I have chased enough of happy endings,
With each heartbreak there is more impending.
I cannot forget what made me smile,
I cannot regret calling u mine.

So here I am after losing my way,
Looking right ahead to a brighter day.
But the darkness is so infatuating,
It keeps taking me back,
With every step ahead its two I take towards my past.

I know the end would be close,
Before I give in or think of losing hope.
So it all comes on to the good against the bad,
If I win I walk away if I don’t… u come back.

This is the life I chose,
Where I am in between two roads.
There goes my happy ending,
Which I didn’t chase after all.
There goes my Prince charming,
Who promised to love me lifelong…

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